Great loss. Greater joy.

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.

Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.

Rejoice! (Rejoice!) Rejoice! (Rejoice!) and again I say rejoice!

Rejoice! (Rejoice!) Rejoice! (Rejoice!) and again I say rejoice.

 

It’s funny the things you think of in times of trial. Yesterday my Uncle Ronnie was killed in an accident on his way to work and that was the song stuck in my head. I don’t think I’ve sung it since I was a little kid at VBS. I know what the song means but all I kept thinking was, why? Why him? Why now? Why should I rejoice when my dad loses a brother, my aunt loses a husband, and my cousins lose their dad? It just doesn’t seem fair that I’m supposed to still rejoice. How dare God take him away and then require that of me?

My uncle was a interesting man. Super tall and skinny. Quiet and funny. So much like my dad that one time when I was introducing him to a friend I said, “This is my Uncle Ronnie, my dad’s brother” and the friend said “No duh!”

Josh and I are getting married on Friday. It feels like a sick joke to be excited and happy when my family is suffering so badly. Rejoice? What the hell?

But then I remember something. Something very important. Something Maria said when she was praying with me and my family yesterday, “We know he is at home in Heaven with You right now.” It may seem trite and cliche but it gives me peace too. It doesn’t take away the hurt and it doesn’t answer why but it’s a joy to know that my uncle loved Jesus. I’m pretty positive that it doesn’t mean I’m happy but it does mean I’m not despairing. I know I’ll see him in heaven, whenever I get there. And I bet he’ll still be tall and skinny.

11 DAYS! Not that I’m counting…

11 days til the big day! Hurray! Sorry the posts aren’t very consistent these days but a LOT has happened. The bad news first…

Many of you who read this know that this school year has been rough. There’s been an exceedingly large amount of pressure to do well and my job security has been very uncertain. On Friday I finally got the verdict — fired, more or less. Nothing ugly mind you, just that my job was techinically temporary anyway and my principal felt that he wanted to bring in somebody new rather than keep me on. It has put me in a rough spot because of how this happened, I was put on an action plan in January and in order to transfer schools within the county I have to be on that plan for a full year. As my principal has decided to let me go, I can’t work in Pitt County for the time being. It hasn’t come as a surprise but it’s not exactly a fun place to be when you know you’ve worked your butt off, done everything and anything people have asked, and are still told you’re lacking.

But you know how sometimes you can see God setting you up for something? Maybe it’s just me but sometimes it feels like I know what’s going to happen before it does because of the way circumstances around me change. Like, my small group has been praying about my job with me all year and Karen told me that whenever she drove by Chicod last week she would pray for me to keep my job but would get this feeling that that wasn’t the right thing to be praying for. I wished I could dismiss what she said when she told me but Karen is one of those people (and there are only very few in my life) where when she tells me God told her something or showed her something, I believe it. On Wednesday night I got a call from Bear Grass Charter school for an interview to teach over there next year — I had applied when I first started doubting whether or not I’d still be in Pitt County. So even before I had the final word, I kinda knew where God was leading me. It’s strange because I haven’t been all that happy here — I love my 4th grade team and my students but other than that I haven’t loved working at Chicod and yet I don’t think I would have chosen to leave. I trust God has something else in mind for me because I have always ended up exactly where I need to be exactly when I need to be there, and now I’m old enough to be able to really see that.

Other good news though is that I’ve moved a lot of my stuff in Josh and I’s place. I’m living at my parents’ house these last few weeks til the wedding but most of my stuff is over at what will soon be OUR home 🙂 We’ve painted the bedroom and unpacked almost everything. It’s really starting to feel like ours! I promise pictures when it’s all done 🙂